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Principle

Death

Life changing - After the accident, i'm glad that i'm still breathing. Being able to make new friends and knowing the ones who has been there for you all the time. First of all, i'm proud to have a family. Pop & Mom. The first people to ever be there for me. In a life situation, Mom never fails to advise and gives support. Her encouragement has made me what i am today. As for Pop, i learn great responsibility. He shows me and tells me what's right and what's wrong. He tells me what life has to offer us. Basically i'm proud to be their daughter. They have taught me so much. How can i repay their kindness.

Few days ago, my colleague lost her father to a sudden death. It wasn't expected at all because as far as i know, she told me that her father was physically normal. She teared up and i know that coaxing her will not make her feel much more better. I've been there before. The sadness. I felt it before. Losing someone to a sudden death, as if we got hit by a dynamite. The impact could not be compared to losing someone in a relationship. It's too far off.

Knowing that if i tried too hard to coax her and shower her with my sympathy, i bet she might think wrongly. She told her story and all i could do was to imagine. What if down the road, maybe in 10 years time, it occured to me. I can't bare to think how my Mom/Pop and siblings being able to cope with death news. I have to be prepared in advance. The things i should do.

I wish not to think about it but i will always do. What if...

I lost the dearest one to a sudden death - what will happen to us?
How about my siblings? My youngest brother and sister, will they be able to take in and absorb the fact? Will death ever matter to them? Will they hate God for a reason? By then, am i or will i be completely prepared to face the calls? Oh Allah ...

- Please give me strength. To keep up with the pace. The challange that awaits for me. The times of calling, give me your guidance. Help me when i'm too blinded by darkness. Shine your light and show me your path. -

Now that i think about what happened to her, there's one thing i've not done yet for my parents.
That would be - Treasure them.

I felt how she felt.

Guilty.

Not being able to spend more time with your love ones - deeply affected; should i say?

Impression

I wonder.

What do people really see in me?
What or how do they think of me?
Why some chose to like or hate me?

 How good or bad am i?

Questions whispering at the back of my head. When will they ever stop? I bet till i dig my own grave but well oh well. I'm a born survivor i guess. I chose to walk on the path i've selected and challenged myself out of it. Like a maze out of wonderland. There will always be an obstacle coming in my way. Every road i'm at, Allah has given me a test. Perseverance. He's watching over me and i know because i believe in him.

But i fear of arrogance. I'm afraid that i'll be cast away. I don't like alienation. Neither do i like people hating me however i don't expect people to like me back because we can't impress everyone.

Should i consider a risk or a chance? A risk or a chance that i'm part of the Show Choir and Theatre Ensemble; for some people have their own impression of someone in a good or bad way.

I do believe that everyone likes to know the thoughts of good impression about them. All of us prefer the truth but yet the truth could be hurtful.

However, it takes one to completely accept and doesn't deny what people think about them. I'm just hoping that i'm able to cope through such sarcasm. What a psychology!

Hectic

When every plan you've planned fall into places, nothing beats its own pace. It just seems so definitely when all you wanted was to get it right. Hoping that i would not make anymore mistakes however as they say, never be too proud. Arrogance is an ignorant.

I'd like to share some good news with you. I gave a shot at two auditions. Auditioned myself in the Drama Theatrical Ensemble and the Show Choir. I did it for fun! Well, partially because i didn't expect that i was selected in the Drama Theatrical Ensemble since they didn't announce the result, i had to move on to the Show Choir. Apparently, it was quite surprising though that i was given a chance to be part of both the Theatrical Ensemble and Show Choir.

#ALHAMDULLILAH

I thought i sucked at acting but i never knew at all that i have the "potential"? 

But whatever it is, i'm glad and proud of myself. I had the courage to bring myself forward to meet new challenges and brave enough to pull myself out of my comfort zone. For the past few weeks, i made new friends from different types of background. The worst part was the repetition of my introduction to everyone else. It was tiring but absolutely fun. In addition, it's as if i made friends with the entire campus.

I'm just too excited and happy to be in school. I never regret choosing ITE at all. Within few months ever since school started  their orientation day, my life has been a hectic one. I've been trying to juggle through my schedule between school and work. Everyday, it's like an open door to another passage way. Just saying ..

I haven't got myself any rest day neither have i gotten myself a vacation yet but soon. I'll work this thing out. Hopefully. 

XOXO,
WORKAHOLIC/SCHOOL-HOLIC

New phase

The start  of something new.

"Nanny McPhee: There is something you should understand about the way I work. When you need me but do not want me, then I must stay. When you want me but no longer need me, then I have to go. It's rather sad, really, but there it is."

I believe that he has been trying to communicate with me but it does seems like i'm pushing him away. He's not a jinx but i just can't be around with him. Not because he doesn't have standards or what. All i'm saying is that, somehow we have to let go of the people in order to move on. Basically, let bygone be bygone. It's best to forget and learn from the mistakes.
 

 "Not everyone you lose is a loss"

I do gradually feel bad for my own action. The impact that he's receiving is merely being hurt for being abandon by me. #selfish #ignorant

I apologize for my mistakes but this is reality. Right from the start, i shouldn't have gotten to know you better then we all could have not known each other.

I'm less worried about what's in for my future now because i'm all ready and set up for what i've planned out.

#ALHAMDULILAH

XOXO;
Aien ... 

Mistaken - Misunderstood

That's one thing that i fear of marriage. On top of that, i'm traumatized for the first time. That very incident, made me question myself - will i ever have that faith and trust be put on someone that one day will be part of my life? What if i did and this would happen? 

Heading my mom's advise is a 'always' and a habit to do so.If something happened, always have a backup plan. At least, i don't have to be dependent on man. What happened was a 'don't trust anyone' lesson learnt. For certainty; people do lie to others. I thank my mom for praying what's best for me and god for showing the truth and reality. 

Since i've gone through such event before, i'm afraid of relationship and i fear for commiting myself into something serious again.
 

1. I came to know that there was a lady who put her status in a r/s with him
2. I went up to him and asked him
3. He said that they broke up their engagement
4. I wandered into deep thoughts; spoke my mind and said 'Which lady would still keep tagging and even displayed his name on her relationship status.'
5. He said that she was crazy.
6. Somehow he got worried when everytime i brought her name up and that i even went to her work place to spy on her
7. He kept saying that she's crazy. Like mentally crazy.
8. He persuaded me to stop whatever i was doing.
9. Since i wanted to try to give myself a shot in a serious r/s, i believed him - i was a fool
10. I was still in doubt with his action and behaviour.
11. One day, when everything went out of his way and i came to know the truth.
12. The fact that i've been lied even from someone i made friends long ago.
13. When everything became confusion; facts and stories turned upside down
14. Who to trust?

So we had to start from the very beginning...

Because someone didn't tell me right from the beginning that his friend was and is still engaged with the latter.

He sent me a message asking whether i would permit myself to get to know his closest friend. Hey! It was just making friends. Why not. However, my friend here didn't tell me in the first place that his bestfriend was taken by somebody else. Apparently, he was engaged.

If i knew from the very first place, things wouldn't have had happen.
I'm trying to clear my name off from being looked down so cheap - because i still have my pride and dignity. I have a reputation and my family's name to carry on.. - I don't want to tarnish it. I know that stealing someone else's partner is wrong. Indeed very wrong! Talking about stealing, here i go again. Another story that needs to be told. I would really love to clear things up from being misunderstood of. It just takes one to be willing to listen and forgive..

Dream

I'm hoping for a better life. A better future - Everyone does.

I'm looking forward to traveling around the world and visiting places that preserved historical artefacts and stories that contain values of life. Imagining myself touching the ancient walls and walking around the area with full of excitment, i'll be the happiest person in the world.

When i was young, i had different types of dream of becoming someone with a deserved occupation. I wanted to be a doctor. A nurse. A violinist. A singer. A dancer. A police. A teacher. An archeologist. But as i'm getting older, i know that becoming either one of what i dreamed of was impossible. It takes one to really work their ass off. I didn't have the determination. To add to that, i was fickled minded. I was easily influenced. Back when i was in high school, i really didn't know what my future could really be.

I took part in singing and dancing but it never really felt like i was meant to be part of it. Singing and dancing; something that i like but i guess, it's not something that i could pursue it because it's just for a small period of time. Thus i thought to myself, well it could still be a hobby. So i did.

Soon after, i got myself involved in business - from selling cookies to joining entrepreneurship competition. I did it for a good course and it was just for fun since i was handling with money. My family has their business and i wasn't really paying much attention to it because i showed interest more in the entertainment industry. Like i said, i like singing and dancing but somehow i felt like it wasn't meant for me to pursue. 

When i joined the workforce again soon after i graduated from high school, i learned so many things about money, trying to get a stable job and etc..

Having business is not bad afterall. The business can be passed on to the next generation. What i'm trying to say is that, to have a business is what i call a long time of commitment. From my experince, being an entrepreneur is not bad afterall. Just that i have to be aware of the strategic and what i really need to do and how to market out the business. Sounds good though but i need the preparation. I need to root myself so atleast i'm ready to handle a very big responsibility. Although this wasn't really what i wanted to do but no harm done if i wanted to continue my mom's dream. Having to sacrifice something for your love one, indeed is a happiness. 

I feel proud of myself.

Although i'm always dreaming away and wishing someone could be part of my life, i knew that rushing into something that's not really meant to be yet is a disaster. I repeat, DISASTER! So all i'm saying is that, i'm dreaming my life away with something that is worth my time and worth what i've sacrificing for.

Don't take me wrongly, i'm trying to specify that i'm done looking for someone because i almost forgot of the things that i've been doing lately. Chasing my dream.

That's what every woman wants!

XOXO;
Wild Dreamer.

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