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Status Quo
"How could you give your love to someone else and share your dreams with me" - Vanessa Williams
I'm confused. You talked about your dreams. You talked about your present and the future with me but i seemed to feel lonely. You chose to wait and love for someone else. I know that we've discussed this. I understand the pain and trauma you've been through but knowing that you are engaging yourself with someone else, i'm jealous. Predictable for a lady myself. At times, i envy them. It's like, they got your attention and when i'm trying at it, you claimed that i was being an adherent person. One word, disappointed.
Ever since i drew that line between us, you're as if battling into my territory. I'm trying my best, the maximum i could to fight this feeling. Knowing that liking you in the first place was not something i wanted or wished to regret it because i'm glad that i liked you but as you know, certain things have their limits. Example of being friends. You can't be too intimate. That will be a different status. All i'm saying is that, lets learn on how to stick to the status quo.
It was weird though. You talked about your dreams with me and i felt you shared most of it. I'm not too sure if you had ever shared most of what you shared with me, with someone else. Because i would really like to know if you really did then alas i would learn to come to term that i'm just imagining you liked me when you were basically-literally being caring. I wouldn't want to show off but for once, i would really love to know that there's someone who could embrace me warmly.
Night and day, i kept thinking about you. As time ticks away, every messages i recieved, i was hoping it would be you. Such adrenaline of joy would rush through me when i see your name. I'm not trying to be sentimental but i can't seem to hide it away. I felt i was being too obvious and it became known to everyone. How am i to explain?
When you like someone, you will come to term to keep continuing liking that person. But when he or she commited a sin or has become a bore eventually that's when you learn to hate them and then when 'like' could easily turn sour, forgetting someone seems so much easier. Now that explained the whole situation between me and the another latter.
Somehow, i feel bad for lying to you. Taking back what belongs to me and reasoning them with something else, i just didn't want to hurt you. I know and you know that the both of us do not like seperation but i just had to go with it. Maybe i just did a sacrificial. In return for trying to stick to the status quo, i blindly became disappointed in myself. You were too kind. I know you didn't deserve that cold treatment at all. I know your good intention but it seems like, i'm trying to do what's good for us.
Since i would like to stop having feelings and being confused over you, i had to take back what's mine. I had to lie because if i ever had to say the truth, it'll only hurt you more and i'll end up begging you for forgiveness. I don't like the repetition just like you and her because if it did happen, than i'll just be exactly the same like her. Just alike like her! I DON'T WANT THAT.
I don't mind you sharing your dreams with me but you're being too close with me which i am afraid that i might fall in love with you. That's all i'm saying. Talking about being afraid, the fear of falling in love is the most fearful thing i'm afraid of. I'm not to sure if i could bare the heartache but as far as i could remember, i remembered loving someone secretly and it took at least 2 years so that i could really move on.
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FARAHAIN HAMID
Just A Student
Just A Student
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